Every Thing You Need To Know About Yuan
by Mttnoonan
Summary: Did you ever wonder why Yuan wears those weird clothes? A Kruan story, but not how you think. Collab with Lynsandria. Rated for some sensuality
1. WTF!

Disclaimer: Neither of us OWN TOS, by us yes I mean us this story is a cooperative effort on the part Lynsandria and myself so…let's get started.

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Genis out for a late night walk on the beach nearby Altamira Resort. He and Raine had gone on vacation for a week of rest and relaxation. He heard someone laughing and he was overtaken by curiosity and went to find out who was laughing. As he came to the nearby shore he saw Yuan bathing. At first he wondered why Yuan was bathing in saltwater, then something much more important caught his attention. He stood rooted the spot with shock. Was this possible? Could it be? Yuan turned slowly and Genis decided to run before he was caught. He ran back into the hotel and up to their room. Raine was just getting out of a bath when he burst through the door panting.

"Genis whatever is the matter."

"Oh…nothing….uhhh…I'm gonna get some dinner."

"We already had dinner…"

"Well I'm still hungry."

"You said you were stuffed when we finished."

"Well I guess I lied….uhhh…hang on."

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Genis ran out of their room and upstairs to the cafeteria. It was closed and the lights were out. Having little choice, he turned and went back down to his room. Raine was sitting on her bed looking confused when he opened the door.

"What was that about?"

"Oh…I panicked."

"But you went out for a walk on the beach…."

"I saw Yuan….and…"

"Oh how is he?"

"Well…come here, I have something to tell you."

"Oh…okay I'm listening."

Raine came over and leaned close. Genis whispered in her ear and Raine gasped.

"Genis, that is ridiculous!"

"But its true I saw!"

"You saw wrong…why do you try to even make stuff up?"

"I didn't it's true I tell you."

"Genis…"

"What?"

"Come now…it just can't be true."

"But it is!"

"Get some rest and forget about this."

"But…"

"Good night Genis."

Raine went to her bed and turned off the light. Genis went into the bathroom and got ready for bed. When he climbed in her heard Raine talking quietly in her sleep. He shook his head and went to sleep.

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Tancred was in the middle of a light sleep when he was shaken awake. He looked up and saw Mio standing over him.

"What's up?"

"Oh...nothing but...I have to go somewhere for a while."

"Oh…okay."

"I'll see you in a little bit."

"Okay…"

Tancred was overcome with curiosity. He stepped out of bed and followed her down the hallway and out the door. She was walking at a fast pace towards the beach and Tancred shadowed her silently. She eventually came to a house that Tancred had walked by plenty of times on his way out of town. When she had closed the door behind her, Tancred found a high tree and clambered up to a window. He opened it and crashed to the floor with a bang.

"Tancred!"

"Oh…Mio uhhh…hi…"

"What are you doing?"

"Well…I was just…getting some water."

"Here? Seriously, tell me the truth."

"Uhhh…well I was looking through the neighborhood and saw these great windows!"

"Your not a very good liar Tanc."

"Okay…I was a little curious about what you were up to."

"So you followed me here…to Yuan's house?"

"Yeah…"

"Well now that you're here, you have to see this."

"Oh…what?"

"Just come with me."

Mio grabbed his hand and lead him down the hallway and to the master bedroom. Tancred saw a bed with a sleeping figure in it. She slowly lifted the blanket off of him and Tancred gasped.

"Is that Yuan?"

"Yeah…look."

"Woah…are those real?"

"I think so."

"Wow…so big…"

"I know."

"Hang on…I wanna touch 'em."

"No don't…we have to leave before he wakes up."

"Right, right…but why did you come then?"

"I cook food here, put it in his storehouse and really mess with his head when he finds it… He still doesn't know how he makes all those pies."

"Heh….wait…you never said you could cook."

"I never told you."

"So…what after we leave?"

"We go back to bed no come on!"

"Awwwww!"

Mio picked Tancred up and she carried him all the way back to their house. He was asleep long before she was, but not before they exchanged a silent agreement that neither of them would speak of this come morning.

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Genis woke up next morning and got dressed. He got breakfast in the cafeteria after which he went to get Raine up. She was slow to wake and not very happy about being disturbed like that.

"Genis, what the hell?"

"I had to get you up, remember we had to leave."

"Oh…right…have we packed?"

"Yup we did last night."

"Oh…okay…"

Raine got out and got dressed while Genis got their luggage together. When they were ready, Raine checked out and they left Altamira. Genis was excited to see Lloyd and Colette again; he was in the middle of daydreaming when Raine interrupted him.

"And no you can't tell anyone."

"What?"

"You can't tell anyone what you told me last night."

"But…but…Why?"

"Because it's not true and people may believe it. Besides, we have to stop in Meltokio first."

"Why?"

"Because they inquired if I would teach some local children for a few weeks."

"Oh…well what'll we do in Iselia?"

"I don't plan to say yes but I wanted to check it out first."

"Oh…good."

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Genis walked behind his sister for hours over the grand Tethe'alla Bridge until they reached the other side. Raine stopped to catch her breath and Genis came to a halt.

"So…what time is it?"

"Well…three a clock why?"

"We've been walking for hours now…can we stop?"

"No…I want to get there by tonight at least."

"Oh…fine let's get going."

Raine got back up and they continued. When they reached the gates of Meltokio, they found Zelos arguing with one of the gate guards about getting locked out of the city.

"Sir, the gates close a four thirty now."

"But…but…why?"

"Because the king says so. Now please go away."

"But I have a dinner party to get to!"

"That's not my problem sir…now go!"

"But…but…Hey its Raine and Genis!"

"Oh…hi Zelos…"

"Hey are you guys trying to get to my party?"

"Not really…I didn't realize we were invited…"

"You weren't but…you should come."

"What do you thing Genis?"

"Well…okay."

"Then it's settled! Now let us in!"

"Well…no."

"Awww…come on!"

"Well…if you hurry inside and don't tell anyone."

"Great!"

They all went inside one of the gates and Zelos sighed with relief.

"Well, lets get to my house so we can get this started!"

"Well…okay…"

"Who else is there?"

"Lloyd, Sheena, Colette was there but she was asleep last time I saw. I think Regal, oh and Yuan too."

'What?"

"I invited Yuan because it seemed to be the right thing to do."

"Oh…okay then…"

"What's up Genis?"

"Well…I have something to tell you when we get to your house."

"Okay."

It wasn't long before they were there the first thing Genis saw was Lloyd talking to Regal and Yuan who were holding wine glasses.

"Hi Lloyd."

"Oh, Hi Genis how are you?"

"Good…you?"

"Okay I guess…hang on for a second."

"Okay."

Lloyd went back to his conversation and Genis grabbed Zelos.

"What?"

"There's something you should know. You're the only one I can tell."

"Why?"

"Raine knows you'll never believe me."

"Oh…what is it."

"Well, last night…"

Genis whispered in Zelos' ear and he jumped in surprise.

"No way…really?"

'Yeah it's all true but we cant tell…what are you doing?"

"I'm gonna tell everyone!"

"Wait Zelos no!"

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He was too late. Zelos ran up the stairs, knocking Lloyd aside and he made an announcement.

"Hey everyone! I have something to say!"

"Wait, Zelos! Nooooooooo!"

"Genis let Zelos speak."

"But sis…."

"Be quiet."

Genis clenched his teeth and shut his eyes but that didn't stop him from hearing Zelos from saying what he had told him.

"Everyone, YUAN IS REALLY A WOMAN!"

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Lynsandria: Hello, I'm here! This first chapter was done by Mttnoonan who is a good friend of mine. Next chapter will be written by me. Anyway, please reveiw.


	2. My Name is Yulie

Lynsandria: Hehe, I'm here now. And chapter two belongs to me! Ready…? BEGIN!

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The room had gone completely silent. The shattering of glass echoed throughout the room, but no one reacted. Everyone was focused on what Zelos had just said. Finally, Regal spoke up. "You shouldn't spread rumors like that, someone could get hurt badly."

"No! I'm serious!" shouted Zelos. "Yuan's a woman!"

"Zelos, you shouldn't lie," whispered Lloyd.

"I'll prove it!" shouted Zelos. He raced across the table to Yuan who looked too shocked to speak. "There!" he shouted yanking off Yuan's shirt.

"What the hell are you doing?" Lloyd started to shout but froze when he saw Yuan. What he saw was a garment that most men wouldn't wear unless they were perverts. He let out a whisper "They're so big."

"You damn pervert!" shouted Yuan whose voice sounded strangely higher.

Regal also leapt into his chivalrous form. "Zelos, you never rip a girl's shirt off! NEVER!"

"I've got to touch them," whispered Zelos who was now enchanted by Yuan's chest. But as he reached out his hand, Yuan grabbed it.

"I am going to kill you, you pervert!" shouted Yuan.

"Another evil demonic banshee!" shouted Zelos who started running down the hallway.

"I'm going to kill you, you little son of a bitch!" shouted Yuan who forgot to put her shirt on as she took after Zelos.

Meanwhile, at the end of the hallway, Colette was walking out of her room, yawning after her afternoon nap. Suddenly, she saw Zelos run past her. But what she saw next was something that she thought she would never see. Yuan, who was running down the hall, who was almost half naked, had **that** on.

"What the?" whispered Colette, finally able to speak.

"Aw, man," whispered Zelos as Yuan was gaining on him. "He, whoops; she is almost gaining on me!"

But Zelos was rescued by the arrival of Presea, who stood in the middle of the hall way between Zelos and Yuan.

"Excuse me," said Yuan, but Presea wouldn't move. She was partially looking at Yuan's chest.

"Big," whispered Presea.

"Aw damn," said Yuan who was getting tired of people commenting on her chest. "I'm putting on a shirt."

After they had managed to calm Zelos down and managed to get Yuan wearing woman's clothing, they managed to get to the interrogation. Yuan sat in the center of the room, sitting in a feminine pose, a pose that she hadn't done for years.

Lloyd chose to start. "Um, so you're really a woman?"

"Of course she is!" said Zelos who chose to sit as far away from Yuan as possible. "Did you see how gifted she is?"

"You are going to die," said Yuan.

"Okay, calm down," said Regal who was trying to stay sensible. "Why did you fake being a man?"

"Um, it started in the Kharlan war," said Yuan. "They didn't allow women into the army. So I faked being a man. I got lessons on how to talk like one. I wore bandages to make my breasts appear smaller and more suitable for a man. But then Mithos, Kratos, and Martel found me and well, it would be hard to explain everything. And I figured I'd just live like a man for the rest of my life."

"I see," said Regal. "And what about Martel?"

"Oh, geez, I bet it was hot," said Zelos looking disappointed. "Damn, I wish I was there."

"Go to hell!" shouted Yuan. "Um, anyway, Martel thought I was a guy. And well…"

"Does that mean you like girls?" shouted Zelos looking excited. "Oh boy, oh boy."

"No!" shouted Yuan.

"Calm yourself!" shouted Regal; holding Yuan back. "We still have questions!"

"Fine," said Yuan sitting back down.

"What about your true name?" asked Regal who was sitting back in his chair now. "Yuan is obviously now a girl's name."

Yuan sighed. "Part of me knew this day would come." She sighed again. "Yulie."

Zelos laughed. "Is that what you call a name? Man, you must have been a disturbed kid!"

"Shut up!" shouted Yuan, er Yulie. "It's old elvish alright?"

"Okay, calm down," said Regal who was trying to keep everyone calm. "I don't see how this could ruin our hot springs visit today."

"Hot springs?" said Yulie looking worried.

"They'll help us all calm down," said Regal calmly.

"What the hell?" They turned. Sheena stood in the doorway, looking very angry. "What the hell are you doing wearing my clothes you pervert?"

"Wait no!" shouted Yulie. "Raine didn't have an extra that I could wear!" But Sheena ignored her, preferring to charge into battle.

"Oh, my god, this is so hot," said Zelos watching the two women battle.

"What the hell?" shouted Sheena again, realizing Yulie's sudden sex change. "You're a girl?"

"Aw, this is going to be hell," said Yulie quietly, ignoring how Zelos was acting.

"Tancred, are you sure about this?" Mio was following her husband Tancred up a large tower which was now known as the mana cannon.

"Oh sure," said the shorter man. "Come on, it'll be fun. Besides, do we have anything better to do?"

Mio sighed. "Fine! But don't do anything too dangerous!"

"Don't worry!" said the man who had reached the spiral staircase. "Now, how the hell do we fire this thing?"

Mio sighed, her hand partially covering her face. "Don't you remember? You summon mana and fire it! Remember how Sheena did it with the summon spirits?"

"Oh relax," said her husband putting his hand against the rock siding.

Mio realized what was happening. "Dammit Tancred! Remove your hand!"

"What?" asked Tancred confused but it was too late. Mana had transferred from the wizard's hand to the mana cannon. A light appeared in the center of the mechanism growing bigger and bigger with each passing second. When the light grew to the size of the entire area around it, it shot up wards suddenly. "No!" shouted Tancred. "No! No! No!"

"Dammit!" shouted Mio running over. "Not good!"

The two sprinted up the stairs three steps at a time. When they finally reached the top, they had a good view of the area around them. Mio gazed up and then had a look of intense rage on her face. "Dammit Tancred, look what you did!"

Tancred eyes followed the mana cannon's aim and gasped. The light had just hit a distant planet known as Derris Kharlan. At first, the planet appeared to be unaffected, however they soon realized what they had just done as the planet started plummeting towards their planet. Tancred slowly turned towards Mio. "Man," he said quietly. "I fucked up, didn't I?"

Despite Yulie's sudden change, Regal had insisted they still go to the hot springs. Yulie hadn't been to many hot springs for obvious reasons. She wrapped a towel about her body and opened the hot springs door.

"You pervert!" Sheena slapped Yulie.

"Damn it, I'm a girl!" shouted Yulie, slipping into the water as Sheena backed off. "Wow, the water's so relaxing."

"Yup," said Colette.

"Let's just hope things don't go like last time," said Raine quietly who could even act professional on vacation.

Little did the girls know that two red heads just happen to be outside, one with the intention of peeking and the other not knowing what he was getting himself into.

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Mttnoonan: Wow we've finished the second chapter!

Lynsandria: You mean I finished the second chapter.  
Mttnoonan: Good point…but I helped!

Lynsandria: How?

Mttnoonan: I went and killed the head of 4kids while you were writing!

Lynsandria: Excellent, now Luffy, Ichigo, Yoh, and all those other animes that are prisoners of their dubbing! Anyway, please review.


	3. Hot Spring Struggle

Kratos was angry now. Some idiot had shot down Derris Kharlan down with the Mana Cannon and he had crashed here. Now there was a crater where the Fooji Mountains were and Kratos was stranded. He had walked for a few hours and came across the hot springs and he wanted a bath. He had to wait because he saw several females bathing. There was the Sheena girl, Raine, Colette and…who was the blue haired lady? No….it couldn't be…or could it…? Kratos had to have a closer look; he crept closer to the bath and hid behind a nearby bush. He could now overhear some of the conversation going on at the pool.

"Wow, I never thought you would be bathing with us Yulie."

"Yeah me neither…this feels so different."

"Yeah…now Zelos can stare at someone else instead of me."

"Hey!"

"Just kidding Yulie."

"You guys stop splashing!"

"Okay Raine."

"Well this is nice, all of us sitting out…did you guys see that?"

"What Yulie?"

"I thought I saw something behind that bush…hang on…"

Kratos felt a shiver go down his neck. Then he saw Yuan get out of the bath and the fear was replaced with another feeling entirely. He was rooted to the spot with fear and dismay; Yuan was coming at him completely naked. He shut his eyes and tried to find another hiding place but too late.

"Kratos…what are you doing?"

"Oh…Yuan…what a nice surprise…"

"Why are you here?"

"Oh…well I….ummmm."

"Kratos…"

"uhhhh…"

Kratos couldn't keep his eyes closed anymore.

"What are you…?"

"Oh…god they're enormous!"

"You…pervert!"

Yuan slapped Kratos' face.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"For staring at us girls in the hot springs!"

"But I didn't…"

"And this one is for that comment!"

"Ow!"

"And this was for being a pervert!"

"OW! But you already did that one!"

"Now get out of my sight!"

Kratos hurried away as fast as his feet would carry him. Yuan went back to the pool and got back in. Sheena was looking at her with admiration.

"Wow Yulie that was amazing!"

"Thanks…it felt good."

"Yeah, you really gave it to him. And serve him right for peeking on us."

Sheena was really close to Yulie now. She was looking really pretty Yulie thought to herself.

"Maybe you should back away Sheena."

"Why?"

"It looks like you gonna kiss me."

"I know…hang on."

She was closer still, she put her face close to Yulie's and then suddenly she pulled away.

"AWWWWW COME ON!"

"What was that?"

"Zelos…I figured he might have been hiding up there, hang on."

Sheena stormed up the hill and reached into one of the bushes. Yulie heard a yelp and she came back with Zelos.

"See! I knew he was there."

"Ow! Sheena, please not the double Demonic Banshee tactic."

"Hey Raine! Come on over we're gonna beat up Zelos."

"Wait! Not Colette too, please?"

"Okay everyone let's get him!"

"I'm in the place I wanted to be…surrounded by naked women…so why am I so scared?"

"We are about to find out."

Zelos limped away half an hour later, that scene was definitely the lowest point of his life so far. Sheena had lead the others in beating him up for attempting to spy on them. He was unlikely to try that again. As he stumbled up the hill he noticed a man with long stands of gray hair peering over another bush.

"What are you doing?"

"Spying on the girls like you but not being caught."

"Oh…"

Zelos continued on his way up the hill looking behind him he saw the man still looking through the bushes. At the peak of the hill he found a woman staring from behind a tree.

"What are you doing?"

"Looking at the girls bathing."

"What?"

"You heard me."

"Are you…gonna go any closer?"

"Not really this is fine."

Zelos crept away in high spirits now. That woman had to be waiting for the right opportunity and Zelos wanted to be there when it happened.

Tancred was still watching, but only halfheartedly, he was more interested in Yulie's sudden change in appearance right at that moment. Suddenly he had an epiphany and crept back up the hill. As he tried to leave a tall figure stepped in his way.

"Oh…Mio…hi."

"Why were you spying on them?"

"Why were you spying on them?"

"That isn't the point here, you shouldn't be doing that."

"Neither should you."

"Okay…let's both just pretend this never happened."

"Fine but before anything else, I have an idea."

"What is it?"

"Well, its come to my attention that Yulie doesn't have any of her own clothes."

"Hey…good point…"

"I think we should get everyone together and get her some."

"Oh I know, lets get he some lipstick."

"Good idea!"

They both left the hot springs at a quick pace. Zelos swore under his breath, the second chance at seeing some girl action and it was gone. Mio and Tancred ran up to a small village near the chapel and inside a shop. Inside there were all kinds of cosmetics and such supplies. The shopkeeper looked at Mio and Tancred with a confused look.

"Anything you need?"

"Yep, we're getting some lipstick."

'Oh…carry on then."

"I think pink would go great with her."

"More like some deep, dark color like purple."

"Or red, she seems like a red kind of person."

"Sure thing…he mister, how much for this red?"

"Thirty gald."

"Oh…here's forty, keep the change…Bye."

Kratos sat underneath a tree lost in thought. Yuan being a girl explained so much, why they couldn't ever find him once a month, why he always got along with Martel and, why he was always uncomfortable talking about sexuality. Kratos then remembered the image of her coming out of the bath to scold him that was burned into his head. This feeling was wrong, he shouldn't be having it, Yuan was still a man to him…did this make him gay? Kratos was starting to get a headache so he decided to get some sleep and he would think about it in the morning.

Yulie woke up the next day feeling poorly rested. She got out of bed and went to Sheena's dresser and got some clothes out. She was in the middle of squeezing into the top when Sheena woke up.

"Trying to fit into that?"

"Yeah…even with the bandages on it still isn't easy."

"Wait…you still use bandages?"

"Yeah…why?"

"We need to get you some stuff."

"What?"

"Your own clothes…"

"But….that would mean…wearing women's clothing."

"If you haven't noticed, you already are…we'll go today after lunch."

"…Okay…"

"I wonder if there's breakfast ready…Genis better be making it."

"Yeah…lets go get him if he's not."

Yulie got Sheena up and they walked out to the kitchen of the inn they were staying at. Genis was not there so Sheena went to his room while Yulie sat down at the table. A pair of strong hands suddenly grabbed her from behind.

"Hey!"

"Don't worry we aren't going to hurt you."

"Who are you?"

"Oh…you don't remember me Yulie?"

"No…you sound familiar."

"Well never minds that, Mio your turn."

"Hey what're you…"

"Just some lipstick lady, don't worry."

"Lipstick! But…"

"Oh…be quiet and stay still…there we're done."

"Okay, let's scram Mio."

The hands released Yulie and she head footsteps tear for the exit. She turned but there was no luck, the two people whoever they had been were gone. They had left her a container of red lipstick on the table. She picked it up and put it in her pocket as Sheena came back into the room.

"Hey what's going on?"

"Well not much…"

"Hey when did you get lipstick?"

"Uh…yeah…"

"You do a good job of putting it on."

"Really?"

"Yeah…no get ready, we're about to leave."

"For what?"

"Getting you some clothes, now come on."

"But…"

Sheena dragged Yulie out of the inn, on their way to the town and to an event that would haunt Yulie for years to come.


	4. Bitch!

The group spent the next day doing something that they thought they would never do. They were buying Yulie woman's clothing. Zelos of coarse wouldn't miss out on anything and despite Sheena's protests, had decided to come along. At the moment, Yulie was borrowing Sheena's clothes, but as she said, the chest was too tight and there was room to spare in the waist. Mio and Tancred had also decided to tag along with Colette, Raine, Sheena, Yulie, Presea, and Zelos

"Let's see, what do we all need to get?" asked Sheena.

"Well, there are the basic things," said Raine checking a list she had made. "There are the basic things like shirts, skirts, pants, shorts, shoes, and other things. Then there are the other things like swim suits," Zelos' eyes lit up. "Winter clothes, fancy clothes, night clothes, underwear..."

"Hehe, I'll take care of that," said Zelos heading into the store.

"No you don't!" said Yulie pulling him back. "I'll take care of my own underwear."

"Actually," said Sheena. "Zelos and Tancred, you can get groceries. The rest of us shall take care of Yulie's wardrobe."

"But, but," said Zelos sadly as the woman entered the clothing store. "Oh, fine!"

"You give up that easily?" asked the gray haired short man. "You disappoint me of a man."

"What?" asked Zelos.

"In this situation you follow them despite what will happen," said Tancred who looked like he was bursting with laughter.

"There, much more feminine."

Yulie just looked in the mirror. It had been ages since she had dressed like this. Pretty much, the outfit was the same as her previous one, only the top had been cut to show off her figure and the pants were replaced with a mini skirt, which showed her skinny legs off.

"Excellent," said Raine. "At least now you're dressed properly."

"Let's see," said Sheena looking through Yuan's bag. "We have everything. At least, except underwear." She could have sworn she hear a faint "Yes!" from behind the coat rack.

"Isn't that girl dressed like a whore?" whispered a girlish voice. Yulie reacted as if she had practiced.

"Bitch!" she shouted slapping the girl who had whispered behind her. The girl clutched at the part of her face where Yulie had just hit. Finally, she too reacted.

"Bitch!" shouted the girl as well. Yulie, who wouldn't be beat reacted the same way.

"Bitch!"

"Bitch!"

"Bitch!"

"Bitch!"

"Bitch!"

"Bitch!"

"Bitch!"

"Bitch!"

"Bitch!"

"Bitch!"

Raine couldn't take this any longer. After Yulie had slapped the girl once more, she grabbed her shoulder. "Really Yulie, we should get going." She dragged the woman away, Yulie growling quietly.

The woman in charge of the lingerie department looked extremely stressed as she saw the woman coming in. She acted as if she had done the routine before. "Okay, we need to take your measurements."

"_Yes!" _whispered Zelos. _We get to find out Yulie's measurements!"_

"_Sh!" _whispered Tancred. _"It'll be no fun if we get caught!"_

"Oh my!" Tancred and Zelos stopped their whispering and looked towards Yulie. The sales woman looked astounded. "I don't know if we've had anyone this big before. I think we'll need to have these special ordered."

"_That's so hot," _whispered Zelos.

"Mio, are you blushing?" asked Colette innocently.

"Nope," said the grown woman looking away. Yulie just stood there, looking very angry indeed.

Kratos sat in the sofa reading a book. But he wasn't focusing on the words. He couldn't believe that his friend of 4,000 years had been faking her gender all this time. Part of him was still in denial. He attempted to focus on the new book about Cruxis, but Yulie always found a way to creep into his head. He hadn't been able to get the picture of Yulie's naked body out of his head.

_Stop thinking about that,_ he thought. _Dammit, pretend she's still a guy! A guy that honestly looks hot. Oh god!_

"Kratos, is something wrong?"

Kratos stopped suddenly. Yulie was facing him, worry in her eyes. Zelos had obviously made some sort of impact on her clothes as she was wearing both a mini skirt and a shirt that almost gave Kratos a peak that he honestly was trying to avoid.

"Kratos, is it okay if I sit here?" Yuan asked gesturing at the other side of the couch.

"Yes," said Kratos who somehow was able to remain calm despite the images that were going through his head. _Dammit! It's like being a teenager all over again!_

_This is my chance,_ thought Yulie. _I couldn't tell Kratos before because he thought I was a guy. But now, is it possible to have him? Especially after Anna, that really complicates things. God, when he told me he was getting married to her, I was blushing so much._

"Um, Lloyd asked me to see something!" said Kratos hurriedly running off. Yulie blushed like hell after he left.

_I guess I'll just go to sleep then,_ she thought. _I sure am tired._ No sooner did she hit the sofa then did she fall asleep.

"Damn it Yuan!" Yulie turned to see Mithos shouting at her. "Why did you lie to me about you gender?"

"_Mithos, calm down," Yulie jumped back. It was Martel!_

"_M-Martel…" She managed to say._

"_Yulie realized that if she did then you would freak out like this," said Martel sadly._

"_Wait, you knew?" asked Yulie._

"_Well, of coarse I did," said the green haired woman. "No man would blush around Kratos as much as you did."_

"_What?" asked Yulie. "You knew much more about me then you let on?"_

"_Yes," said Martel._

"_Wait!" demanded Mithos. "You knew that she was a girl and you didn't tell me? And you got engaged to her?"_

"_Yes," said Martel, her eyes full of sadness. "It would keep her secret a secret. And…it made me happy…"_

"_What?" demanded Mithos. "You were a lesbian?"_

"_Yes," said Martel. "I was. But I didn't tell you because back then, it wasn't accepted at all. So Yulie pretending to be a man worked out for me. Besides, I knew that I wouldn't last long."_

"_Wait, you knew you were going to die?" demanded Mithos._

"_Yes," said Martel. "It was obvious. You knew how many people wanted to kill both of us; we would eventually die. I thought that after that happened; Yulie would certainly be with Kratos. But she didn't reveal her secret and Kratos married Anna."_

"_So you're okay with this?" asked Yulie._

_Martel placed her hand on Yulie's shoulder. "I can't say that I am absolutely okay with this. But I still love you, and I want you to be happy. You've loved Kratos for thousands of years; you should be with him. I don't want to be the barrier of that love."_

"_Thank you," whispered Yulie, but when she looked up Martel and Mithos were gone. Instead, it was Kratos facing her. "Kr-Kratos," she managed to say while her face turned red._

"_I've been waiting years to be able to do this," he said as he approached Yulie_

_Yulie suddenly realized what he meant. "W-wait, should we do this?" she asked, but Kratos ignored her. Slowly, he reached and slowly started pulling up Yulie's shirt as his lips touched hers. _

_Suddenly, she heard Mio's voice. "Ha! I told you they were that big!"_

Yulie awoke with a start. Mio was bending over her, showing Tancred. "See, they grew bigger!"

"Damn you!" shouted Yulie leaping up and pulling her shirt down. "Can't people get a little sleep around here!" _It could have gone farther!_


	5. Revenge?

The next day Yulie was in a bad temper. She couldn't concentrate on anything she did, she yelled at Genis for asking her innocent questions and punched Zelos for trying to grope her. The punch wasn't unusual but the rest was. Eventually she couldn't take anymore and she went to bed much earlier than anyone else.

Kratos bolted up from his bed. He had just had the most unusual dream; he had been standing in a field of tall grass and there was a figure with long hair running towards him. He expected it to be Anna as he had had this kind of dream with her before but as the figure came closer she looked markedly different than Anna. It was not until she was right next to him that he saw who it was, it was Yuan and she was looking at him in a way that made his stomach drop. She looked at him for a moment before she spoke.

"Kratos…"

"Yuan…"

"You can call me Yulie…"

"Well I…"

"Come now…you really ought to treat a lady with respect."

"But…I don't."

"You might as well get used to me being a woman."

"But…"

"Oh come on…you like new and different things…"

"Well…"

"Why don't you want to brave my new world with me?"

"I…"

Kratos watched in horror as Yuan began to unbutton her shirt. He felt a tense sensation around his midriff as she took it off and began to remove her skirt. When she had done that she looked back into his eyes.

"I guess the question is…do you want me?"

"I…I…"

She was so close now she had put her arms around him. He felt a heat rising in his face and that was when he had woken up. He shifted uncomfortably and felt a wet sensation under the blanket. He felt that same tense feeling around his abdomen. _Oh boy this isn't good._ He thought to himself and was immediately overcome with guilt at what Anna would think about this.

He spent the following morning burning his blanket and arranging to get another one. He was trying with all his might not to think about Yulie…Yuan Kratos wouldn't admit it, but he was in the denial phase of this whole thing. And someone was about to attempt to help him through this phase. He was getting breakfast ready and there was a knock at his door. He opened it and found a short man with long graying hair and dressed in black robes. He barged in without even asking and sat down at the table.

"So…I hear you are the famous Kratos."

"I am and you are?"

"Tancred Khlaine, it is a pleasure."

"What are you doing here?"

"Well it has come to my attention that you do not seem to be accepting your friends…new toys."

"Its unnatural and creepy."

"And yet you still have dreams about him."

"What do you mean?"

"You know…those kinds of dreams…"

"What?"

"Come on…you've had 'em before…the ones where they come at you and then before you know it, they get naked and then you wake up with a nosebleed or that feeling in your pants."

"Oh...right…what does that mean?"

"My god you're dumb what do you suppose it means?"

'I guess I could be...attracted to…oh god!"

"Well you might as well get used to it hehe!"

Tancred leapt up and jumped out the open window, leaving Kratos in a feeling of distress. The man had talked about him having feelings for Yuan and the worst thing was, he was right but Kratos would sooner have a father/son moment with Lloyd than admit to anyone else he had feelings for Yuan.

Yulie was having a much better day than before. No strange dreams to bother her last night so she was in a much better temper. She even answered the questions Genis had the day before. The only thing similar to the last day was she still had to punch Zelos for peeking on her. She was settling in for lunch when Sheena ran in looking excited.

"Hi Yulie guess what!"

"What?"

"We all get to go to the beach for the day!"

"Why?"

"We could all use a break and I think that we should get you a swimsuit."

"Oh this ought to be good."

"Don't worry I haven't told Zelos

"Good I just hope nothing else goes wrong."

"Well come on then!"

Sheena pulled Yulie out the door and to Meltokio. There she led her to a shop with all sorts of fancy clothes and swimsuits of all kinds. Yulie was amazingly embarrassed to find several of the women from the renegades looking around the back of the store. Sheena pulled her over to the swimsuit section and began throwing many at her.

"What do you think of this one? It would be great on you."

"This is a swimsuit…it's barely a piece of string…"

"Oh come on its just a little revealing"

"Is that good?"

"Of course…you need guys to be after you."

"But you always slap Zelos."

"It's kinda a secret but…I really, really, really feel hot when I slap him."

"Oh…that's just a little creepy."

"Well anyways try it on, you can go in there to put it on."

"Okay…"

Yulie walked inside the dressing room at the worst possible time as Kratos strolled into the store and spotted Sheena and walked over to her.

"Sheena. How are things?"

"Oh…Kratos…what are you doing here?"

"Well I had to get something off my chest...It concerns Yua…Yulie."

"Oh yeah…what about?"

"Well I was just thinking that we should talk…"

"Sheena, what do you think of it? I think it's a little revea…Kratos!

"Yuan! What are you…oh my god!"

Kratos put a hand below his nose and ran out of the store. He ran back down the street and to the inn where he was staying. He opened the window and let the blood pour out. He reached frantically for something to stem the flow and had to settle for the second blanket he had bought in that many days. By the time the bleeding stopped it was ruined and he tossed it out the window in frustration. He stamped to the bed and threw himself onto it. He heard someone giggle and he turned over. The Gray-haired man was rolling over laughing in the corner.

"What is so funny?"

"I bet I know what happened! You walked in on her!"

"Shut up!"

"Well I actually came to help you now."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah…you saw her naked…the only thing to do is get revenge…she must see you naked!"

"Wait what?"

"You will go to her house wearing absolutely nothing!"

"I will do no such thing!"

"Yes you will if you want to be even!"

"I don't want to be even I just want to find out why she never told us!"

"Well then go naked to her door and ask!"

"No, now if you have some solution that doesn't involve nudity…"

"Well I don't so I will be leaving now!"

Tancred leapt out the window and Kratos heard him hit the ground with a loud thud. He went back to his business but not without feeling the heat had dramatically increased since he had come into the room. After an hour, it was too much to bear and he tore his shirt off to keep cool. He went out onto the balcony and tried to relax in this new furnace, he thought he heard a chuckle where the man had fallen and some rustling. He shook his head and tried to find some place with shade.

Yulie was recovering from being seen nearly naked by Kratos. They had gotten the swimsuit but still she was worried what he thought of her now seeing her in that. Sheena was trying to cheer her up.

"It wasn't so bad, what did he get a good look at?"

"Both of them…I swear these thing will be the death of me!"

"Don't fret, as long as he didn't get a look at the rest of the good stuff right…"

"I don't think he did but I just want him to not think I'm…"

"You are not a slut!"

"Thanks…I think I'll go…what was that?"

"Something wrong?"

"No…I think it was just a animal of some kind."

"I still want to check it out."

"Aren't you going to get out of the suit first?"

"No...if its Zelos, he'll be paralyzed by his horniness."

Yulie grabbed a broom and holding it like some weapon she advanced towards where the movement had occurred. She reached into the bush and pulled. She heard a squeal of shock and Tancred fell out of the bush. He shook his head and jumped up he looked at Yulie and gasped.

"You! What are you doing in women clothing!"

"Reality check Tancred, I AM a woman."

"Oh…right…sorry but I have been a little confused in the heat."

"Yeah, did get a lot hotter out here recently…I wonder."

"Wonder what?"

"Nothing…what do you want?"

"Well not that it's any of your business but Kratos wanted to see you."

"How is that not my business?"

"Because…he hasn't told you yet…yeah."

"Good I need to talk to him I just need to get some clothes on."

"Yes you do…"

Yulie ran back into the house and Tancred left laughing to himself. He wandered back to the inn and up to Kratos' room. He had picked the lock earlier but this time he found it unlocked so he let himself in. He hid back in the large vase that he had originally waited in and again took up the long wait.

Kratos was out having dinner and he came back to his room. He felt something was different from last time and it was even hotter. He pulled his shirt off again and went back out to the balcony. He noticed the large vase had been moved but thought nothing of it…inn staff always moved things around and he was no stranger to having a whole room redecorated in his absence. He was looking at the sunset when the door opened behind him. He spun around to find Yulie coming through the door. He looked frantically around for his shirt and found a gust of wind had taken it down to the ground. He swore and tried to find something to hide behind but it was no use.

"Kratos…"

"Yulie…what are you doing here?"

"I wanted to talk."

"What about?"

"Well I guess I wanted to explain myself for today."

"Oh…no need to I think your…would you excuse me for a sec?"

"Sure…"

Kratos looked down to find out what had been tugging at his pants and saw Tancred hiding in the vase. He had his hand securely around the hem of Kratos' pants and Kratos felt a chill of horror go through his body. He shook his head frantically at Tancred but he only shook his head and pulled.

"Kratos are you…oh my…god!"

Kratos felt his pants slide off and Tancred whipped his head back into the Vase as Yulie came around to see what was going on.

"Kratos what the hell?"

"Yulie this isn't what it looks like!"

"My god you never told me it was that big!"

"No…I never meant to…"

"This is all you wanted me over for? That's it I am out of here."

"No…no Yulie that was only part of what I…"

But she had slammed the door behind her. Kratos swore and turned to find the vase had gone. Looking over the edge he saw Tancred lying on the ground bleeding with cuts from broken vase from the fall.

"Hahaha…I'm hurt but it was worth it…oh the look on your face."

"You bastard! I'll get you for that!"

"You'll have to find me first lover boy!"

Tancred rolled into the woods and Kratos pulled his pants back up. He flopped onto the bed and looked up at the ceiling cursing his luck. Now not only had he lost Tancred, he was also faced with the perspective of repairing his reputation with Yulie and facing the rest of them after they had heard the entire story…all from Yulie's point of view…


	6. Ritzy!

Chapter 6: Lloyd's Going to Kill Us

Kratos hadn't exactly expected to be welcomed with open arms. He didn't even expect to have any type of warm welcoming. Still, he hadn't expected to be attacked. He had wanted to explain himself to Yulie, however, he would soon realize that he would have to wait to explain himself.

Yulie had been in the kitchen, talking with someone he couldn't see from behind the wall, but it didn't appear to him that she was angry anymore. Boy was he wrong.

"…Yulie…" he whispered, appearing from behind the wall. But what had been a calm expression before turned into a completely irate image.

And Kratos' timing was off. Colette, Sheena, Raine, and Presea surrounded Yulie. And when something like this is told from the woman's point of view to woman, the end result will never be pretty for the man.

The first to strike was Sheena. In mere seconds, she grabbed her cards and charged at Kratos. "I would expect the moronic pervert to do something like this, but never you!" she shouted attacking the auburn haired man. "Especially because of Lloyd!" she shouted striking his face again.

Then came Raine. Kratos normally wouldn't think Raine would be able to attack unless she used her hands or feet, however, Raine at the moment, was irate. She grabbed her staff and charged to join Sheena. "Just because she looks good!" she shouted, hitting the poor man over the head. "Does not mean you can do that!"

Kratos, meanwhile, was praying for it all to end, however, he had one last person to see, Yulie. She grabbed her double bladed sword and charged towards Kratos, who knew that he was about to go through hell right at that moment…

"Hm, da—Kratos, what happened to your face?"

Kratos just glanced over at his son. His forehead had been bandaged tightly by Regal as Raine refused to help the "pervert". "Oh, I cut myself shaving today," he lied.

"Hm?" asked Lloyd. "But your leg is bandaged as well. Wait a minute," he said quietly before Kratos could reply. "You shave your legs?"

"Um, no," said Kratos. "I cut myself because I was practicing my sword."

Lloyd looked as if he were about to question his father more, however a piercing scream filled the air. Kratos reached out for his sword. That was Yulie's voice. Sheena's voice came afterward. "Oh my god, Yulie, what's wrong?"

"My top's falling off!"

As if on cue, all the males on the beach looked over at the ocean. Even Regal and Genis looked over. "High five fellow perverts!" shouted Zelos, running over with his hand in the air.

"…I better not watch…" replied Regal snapping his away.

After the event with Yulie, Kratos hopped that the beach trip would go normally. Unfortunately, the gods enjoy tormenting him and Yulie agreed to a beach volley ball game. Normally, that would not have been a punishment to any normal man, however Kratos is no normal man. _I better get out of here,_ he thought seeing that Yulie's swimsuit was almost see through. _Before anything arises._ He grabbed his blanket and headed to the other side of the beach.

Meanwhile, Yulie dominated at the volley ball game. At first, she assumed it was either because she was actually good at the game or that everyone else was bad at it. The she realized that the males were passing the ball to her a lot more often than she was need. And then she realized that all the time Zelos was having a case of a nosebleed. She sighed loudly. _Geez, is this all that guys think about?_ She wondered, walking away from the volleyball net. _I need to get away from here,_ she thought, wrapping a towel around her body. Even when her swimsuit was covered, she still attracted men like moths to a flame. She sighed. _Even Kratos only thinks about sex…Kratos…_

"Yulie, why are you blushing?"

None other than Zelos snapped Yulie rudely out of her daydream of Kratos' muscles. "Hehe, I don't blame you," he said smiling widely. "My manliness attracts even the most stoic and chaste girls to my side."

Yulie sighed. "I wasn't thinking about you," she whispered quietly, but Zelos paid her no heed.

"Hehe, my manliness surpasses that of Kratos'" he bragged. Yulie thought he would stop eventually, but when Zelos gets talking about his manliness, he will never stop. "I know, I know, this may be a little too much for you, but fear not, I will put on a shirt soon."

Quietly, Yulie slipped away as Zelos began talking about how he had been working out more recently. Little did she know, she was heading directly for where Kratos was lying on the beach…

_Finally, a place where I can resist these perverted temptations._

Indeed, this area of the beach was completely deserted. Kratos was lying in the middle of the beach, the waves slowly crashing against his feet. His arms behind his head, he gazed up at the bright sun. _Is all anyone thinks about today sex? _

The next thing he knew, Kratos was completely under water. _Wait, what the hell just happened?_ He wondered, grabbing a hold of the sand. Eventually, the water subsided and Kratos reached for his blanket to dry off. Unfortunately, it was nowhere to be found.

_Damn, it's a good thing I managed to get away from Zelos so quickly; he could have talked about his muscles forever. Geez, his are nothing compared to Kratos'. Damn it; stop thinking about Kratos!_

Yulie shook herself. She wasn't supposed to be like this. After all, she and Kratos were fighting now. But Kratos refused to leave her head until an ear piercing cry shattered the silence around her. "NO! Not again!"

_Huh?_ She wondered, the situation not quite hitting her yet. _What is someone in trouble?_ Since she was wondering what had happened again, she ran across the sand, her sandals kicking up dust.

She came across what appeared to be a man leaning into the sand, pounding the ground with his fists, making marks wherever they hit. _Is he feeling okay?_ She wondered, running towards the poor man. "Are you okay?" she shouted.

"Not again!" shouted the man. "Blankets don't sell cheap."

She froze before she could touch the man at all. She knew that voice. Indeed, the auburn haired swordsman raised his head above the ground. "Damn!"

"What the!" shouted Yulie. Kratos looked up, confused as she was.

"Wait…" he said.

The two stared at each other for many minutes the seemed to drag into hours. Neither had any idea of what to say. The awkward silence dragged on even longer, each person completely distracted by the other, so distracted that they didn't even notice a gray haired man float up to the shore in an inner tube.

Tancred, throwing aside his inner tube, walked over to the two adults. He stared for many minutes as though fascinated by the two. He had his fingers crossed behind his back, as if waiting for a reaction. Finally, he shattered the silence with a loud shout "Boring!" he shouted, smacking each of their heads.

Yulie and Kratos had no idea what was about to happen. What was about to come would change their lives forever, both physically and mentally. It would change those who they called friends and family. It would change how they looked at each other.

Yulie and Kratos' faces met, and an accidental kiss formed. Tancred smiled. "Finally!" he shouted. "It was as if you were never going to accept each other!" Soon, despite their personalities, their accidental kiss turned passionate. "Oh god, you're frenching her already?" he shouted. "Oh, get a room!"

"…Kratos, what is that on the side of your neck?"

"Huh, nothing," replied Kratos, attempting to over his neck with his collar, trying to hide a spot from the pink haired girl. However, Presea had alerted everyone in the room to Kratos' neck and had fascinated Zelos all ready.

"Aw, come on Kratos, show me," he begged in a whiny voice.

"No!" said Kratos in annoyed voice.

"Please?"

"No!"

"For me?"

"No!"

"Okay fine."

"…Where are you looking?"

"Over there…"

"What's over there?"

"I think I see Colette and Lloyd making out!"

"What!" Even with his fear, Kratos dropped his collar looking over his shoulder.

"Ha! I knew it!"

"What?"

"You have a hicky!"

"No I don't!" shouted Kratos, lifting up his collar again.

"Kratos has a hicky!" sang Zelos while spinning around. "Kratos' in love. Kratos' is in L-O-V-E! Kratos is in love!"

"…Shut…up…" said Kratos angrily, but Zelos continued despite it.

"Kratos met a woman. Kratos got a hicky. Kratos wants to do her!"

That was the last straw for Kratos. With amazing stealth, he grabbed Zelos around the neck. "…Shut…up…"

But Kratos wasn't completely free yet. "…Is that a hicky?" asked Regal.

"N-no…" said Kratos, lifting up his collar.

"…Lloyd should know…" said Regal quietly. "…He might have a half sibling soon…"

"I did it to myself!" said Kratos angrily letting go of Zelos, who took up singing.

"Kratos and himself, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G! He gives himself hickies!"

But the worst was yet to come. Genis, who had heard Zelos singing, had come to investigate. "What's a hicky?" asked the curious boy.

All the noise in the crowded room had finally taken it's toll on Kratos. "You're just jealous because you don't have one!" he shouted loudly.

"So you admit you didn't do it to yourself?" asked Zelos.

"…No good will come of this…" was all that Regal could comment on.

"What's a hicky?" demanded Genis.

"It was Raine, wasn't it?" demanded Zelos.

"What!" shouted Genis angrily. "What did you do to my sister?"

Kratos couldn't take anymore. Covering his ears with his hands, he jumped outside of a nearby window. As soon as he landed, he rolled behind a tree, only to run into the exact person he was trying to avoid.

"Y-Yulie!" he said, almost shouting. He was completely lying flat on his back, giving him a peak up Yulie's skirt.

"Oh! Kratos," was all that she could say.

Once again, there was an extremely long and uncomfortable pause, with Kratos looking at Yulie and Yulie looking at him. And once again, a gray haired man happened to walk into the clearing. "…Kratos…" said Yulie, her face turning a light pink. She stepped foreword.

"Oh shit…" whispered Tancred, who realized that Yulie hadn't noticed him.

"Yulie…" whispered Kratos, all memories of Anna fading from his mind as the green haired half elf continued approaching him. Suddenly she stopped. Kratos looked down from Yulie's skirt and to what had stopped her. Yulie was suspended in the air, her hair flying out behind her. Below her was a gray haired man, looking quite annoyed because she hadn't noticed him.

As if it had been planed out, Yulie fell foreword. Kratos was completely stunned, his muscles seemed to refuse to work.

And just as predictable as Zelos getting slapped by Sheena, Yulie fell onto Kratos. Her legs fell on either side of Kratos' and her breasts pressed against his chest, their lips just barley touching.

_Wh-what?_ Wondered Yulie, her nose starting to bleed. _I-I've never been so close to Kratos before. Well…except that one time…that time when we were traveling with Mithos and Martel…and there were only three beds in the inn…and we had to share…_

Across from her, Kratos' nose was bleeding as well. _Oh, geez, my pants feel tight._

Meanwhile, Tancred pulled himself up, dusted off, and shouted "You two really are hopeless romantics, aren't you?" But then he noticed where Kratos had his hands, and realized just how bloody his nose was. "Oh, hehe," he said, throwing a package down at them. "Use this, you'll need the protection."

Kratos mumbled thanks, as he couldn't speak any better with Yulie's tongue in his mouth. He reached out and grabbed the package. The man sneaked away almost Sheena style.

"Wait a minute," whispered Yulie, stopping Kratos' hands half way from the hem of her skirt. "What is someone sees us?"

"Where then?" whispered Kratos, who didn't even remember anyone named Anna.

"My room," said Yulie seductively stroking Kratos' chest. "It has a lock."

As their lips met again, Kratos lifted the woman up, and, their lips not breaking for a second, carried her to her room. Reaching there, he slowly locked the door as each of their fantasies became reality.


	7. The Second Worst Day of Kratos' Life

Kratos' breath had finally slowed back to normal. Yulie was still panting and she felt a little sweaty. He looked around the dim room. He hadn't felt this good in so many years, neither apparently had Yulie she was still catching her breath but she was sounding happier and happier.

"Kratos…that was…wonderful."

"I suppose so."

"Why do you sound so depressed?"

"I'm not but…I just hope that…"

Kratos was cut short when the door handle jiggled and then opened revealing the last person he wanted to see. Lloyd stood in the doorway in utter shock as he looked into the scene before him. Kratos hadn't noticed, but as the door opened, Yulie had ducked under the blanked however Lloyd had seen long hair. He looked at Kratos with a look of disgust and shock.

"What the hell is this?"

"What do you mean there wasn't anything.!"

"Whats all this then?"

Lloyd had pointed on the condom that Kratos had cast aside. Kratos cursed to himself and tried to come up with an explanation for that.

"What would you have been doing with that?"

"Oh…uhhh…that's was…with Raine…"

"Raine! I'd never think you'd sink so low! Or that Professor Raine would go along with that!"

"Oh…yeah she really liked the idea and went along with it from the beginning."

"Professor Raine if you're under there I am very disappointed with you!"

Lloyd slammed the door and Yulie poked her head back out of the blanket.

"That was very brave of you."

"Thanks…"

"You know he'll never forgive Raine now."

"Yeah…I just thought of that…that wouldn't be good."

"Well we'll soon see…I gotta go somewhere."

"oh…where?"

"Im gonna wash and fold my clothes…no one will be the wiser."

"Okay…"

Yulie grabbed her clothes and opened the door. Kratos looked around and saw Tancred was leaning in the corner of the room laughing quietly but audibly.

"What's so funny?"

"Well you pinned this all on Raine and now Lloyds gonna think…she's a whore or something worse."

"Yeah…I guess that was a mistake."

"And what if you knocked her up?"

"I used that condom you gave me…why would you ask that question?"

"I dunno…it just came to me…"

"I don't like you tone…sounds like you have something to hide."

"Well I've overstayed my visit, I got to go."

Tancred turned and dove out the window. Kratos looked confused and got out of the bed and got dressed, it would look a little ruffled but other than Lloyd he didn't think anyone would know by looking at him.

Raine was in the kitchen eating some fruit at lunch when Lloyd came down in a towering rage. She smiled at him not knowing what he thought he knew.

"Hi Lloyd what's going on?"

"Don't give me that I know what you did!"

"What do you…"

"Come on Professor don't deny it!"

"Deny what I…"

"You had to go along with his sick little plan didn't you!"

"Genis' idea to go pick flowers?"

"Cut the crap I know it was you!"

Lloyd stormed off and Raine went to find her younger brother. She was now very curious about what Lloyd had said. On her way outside she ran into Kratos walking out the door.

"Oh hey Kratos!"

"Oh…hi…I didn't do anything!"

"What do you mean?"

"Just because Lloyd said he saw the whole thing doesn't mean it happened!"

"What are you talking about?"

"I haven't laid a finger on you!"

"What is your problem are you high or something?"

"Never happened, Lloyds a blithering idiot so don't listen to him!"

"He's you son…"

"He's stupid and he hallucinates to boot!"

Kraots ran out the door and down the road before Raine could say anything further. She shook her head and walked after him to find Genis. He was watching the sky outside ot the city walls.

"What's up sis?"

"Nothin…I just wanted to know whether or not Lloyd seems a bit…odd to you today?"

"A little he was mumbling something about you and Kratos…well…"

"What? I don't understand."

"He said Kratos told him that you two…got a little…frisky…what do you suppose me meant?"

"A little…oh god…so that's what he meant…that little bastard when I get my hands on him…"

"Who?"

"Both of them then I'll snap their necks in two…"

"Okay…that's a little creepy sis…I'm gonna go away now."

Genis got up and backed away slowly. Raine didn't care about that all she wanted now was to get revenge for what Kratos had said about her, and Lloyd for being such an idiot to believe it.

Kratos knew this and had been hiding ever since he had last seen her. He was hiding behind Colette's bed in her room, as that was the only place he could think of hiding. They would never look for him there and he was willing to spend the night behind here if need be. He didn't realize that meant dealing with Colette's nighttime habits.

The moment she got into her Pajamas, Kratos knew he was in for a terrible night. She had a nighttime tradition of saying goodnight to every single conceivable item in her room, kissing it, apologizing for touching it without permission and then apologizing for talking too much. This went on for at least ten minutes and Kratos was beginning to loose patience when she noticed the top of his head and kissed it.

"Night, night Ymir flower…oh sorry for touching you…sorry I do tend to talk a lot. Well have a good sleep."

She finally turned off the lights and went to bed. Kratos let out a huge sight of relief that it was finally over. He had to endure several more weeks of this torment until one morning he thought that Raine had either calmed down or given up looking for him. He stepped out without hearing the three pairs of footsteps coming towards the room. When he did he ducked under the bed just as Sheena, Raine and Colette came in. They were talking about him as they came in. Raine was still supremely angry.

"He's such a liar and when I get my hands on him, I'm twisting it in half."

"You might have a little trouble with that he's very speedy."

"Hey guys…where'd my Ymir flower go?"

"We got that for Presea's room not yours…"

"It was right behind my bed last night. All red and everything."

"The Ymir flower's petals are purple…"

"Oh never mind I see some of it poking out under the bed!"

Colette reached down and seized some of Kratos' hair, for a little girl she was terribly strong as she pulled him out from under the bed with little effort. The pain was excruciating and his eyes began to water with torment. Then he looked up at Raine's face. He had always heard stories of people having conniptions but until now he had never seen one. Raine's face resembled the look of anger incarnate, he expected her voice to tear the roof off the house but Yulie running into the room interrupted her.

"Has anyone seen Kratos I haven't been able to find him anywhere."

Kratos had thought this couldn't get any worse but what Yulie had to say was going to prove him wrong in so many different ways. Before she could say it, Lloyd, Zelos, and Genis came in to see what the commotion was about. Lloyd saw Kratos and immediately launched into a furious tirade.

"What do you think your doing here?"

"I'm not doing anything! What do you think I was doing?"

"Trying to temp Raine again! I can't believe you would do such a thing!"

"WHAT? You went and told everyone about this! You really are an idiot!"

"Wait, Lloyd what do you mean?"

"Kratos went and had sex with your sister!"

"How dare you, you…you prick!"

"I didn't have sex with Raine! That's what I told you to make you go away!"

"Fine who did you have sex with then?"

"It wasn't Raine it was Yulie all right!"

"Kratos!"

"Yulie! Oh my god! That's even worse! We all used to think she was a guy!"

"Well she wasn't and we did, now if you'll excuse me she was about to tell me something when you interrupted her! Go on Yulie, what was it you wanted to say?"

Everyone looked at Yulie expectantly. She looked surprised and frightened at this sudden attention and fumbled for the words in her mouth.

"I…I…I…"

"What is it?"

Kratos looked into her eyes. Finally she summoned up the courage to tell him and uttered the six words that Kratos had wished ever since that night more than sixteen years ago he would never hear again.

"I think I might be pregnant."

Tancred and Mio were sitting in a tree outside the house. Tancred was shivering in anticipation or the cold. Mio was shivering in the cold and had no idea why they were up in that tree.

"Why are we up here, I'm freezing my ass off."

"That's the only thing girls have to worry about freezing off, just hang on."

"Well I don't understand why were waiting in a tree of all places."

"Because I can climb them."

"And why did you pull the same joke on him again that got the first girl pregnant."

"I know and look at how much fun that's been!"

"Not for them."

"But for me, hang on I think he's about to react to the news."

He cupped his ear towards the house. Mio heard someone yell out from the house. The cry was one of misery and torment. Tancred cackled wickedly at the sound and fell out of the tree.

Back inside the house Kratos we curled up on the floor. He was sick with fear and nerves. How could he have been so irresponsible as to get yet another girl pregnant? How would he manage this terrible situation? And what would have Anna said if she was alive today? He looked up and saw them all looking down at him. He gulped as he saw the looks on their faces. He had no idea what was coming but whatever it was, it was going to be unpleasant.


	8. Oh God!

Wow, I haven't seen that face for 17 years…that was when he found out about Anna… 

"Are…are….are you sure?" he asked, his eyes as wide as they had been long ago.

"…Yes…"

"…Are you positive?"

"Yes…the test is always a hundred percent true…and it was positive…"

Kratos continued to lie on the ground, staring at Yulie. How could this have happened again? He had used protection. But hadn't it been Tancred who had given him it? Tancred had given him protection the first time too…

Suddenly, Raine lashed out. Smacking him across the face, she shouted, "Why'd you say it was me?"

Then Yulie was yanked out of her stupor. She too smacked him across the face. "You said we used protection!"

Then Colette did something that they had never thought she would do. She smacked Kratos across the face. "How could you do that to her?"

Presea also smacked him across the face. "…I don't know what pregnant means…but if Yulie's sick…that's not good…"

Sheena also smacked him across the face. However, all the good points had been used so she shouted on accident. "Why couldn't it have been me?" She shouted. The room fell completely silent.

"I'll do it instead!" shouted Zelos hugging Sheena around the waist.

"Y-you damn pervert!" shouted Sheena blushing around the face.

Yulie interrupted all of them with a load groan, collapsing on the ground. Raine leapt into action. "Morning sickness!" she shouted, grabbing Yulie around the shoulders. "I'll get you into the bathroom!" She and Yulie ran inside the nearby bathroom, Kratos following behind them.

"…What's pregnant mean?" asked Presea.

"Wait, you don't where babies come from?" asked Colette, forgetting about Kratos for a bit.

"…No…" said Presea.

"Well," said Sheena, nervously, throwing Zelos off. "Let's say this: when you're pregnant…you have something growing inside of you."

"Hm…I see..." said Presea quietly. "Well, I better go. Genis said something about eating watermelons this afternoon. I don't want to be late…"

Presea left the room, leaving Sheena, Zelos and Colette in the room alone. Sheena sighed. "What should we do now?" she said, tapping the floor with her shoe.

"Oh, how about you take your shirt off!" said Zelos happily. "That'll probably spice the place up!"

"Don't you have a closet to masturbate in?" demanded Sheena slapping Zelos' face.

"What, do you want to join me?" asked Zelos hopefully.

Sheena smacked his face again. "I'm not going to make you some boy toy!"

"Masturbate? Boy toy?" asked Colette confused.

Sheena sighed. "Don't ask Colette," she said quietly.

"Presea, are you eating the seeds too?" asked Genis, removing some of the watermelon seeds from his mouth.

"…I ate a few…" said Presea quietly. "…What's wrong?"

"Well, if you eat watermelon seeds, a watermelon will grow inside of you," replied Genis.

Presea was reminded of Sheena's words. _"Let's say this: when you're pregnant…you have something growing inside of you."_

"…You bastard…" said Presea quietly standing up, leaving Genis shocked.

"…Wh-what have I done?" he asked worried.

Meanwhile, Presea headed across the grounds and inside the house where she found Raine reading in the library. "..Raine I need to talk to you about something…" she said quietly.

"Really?" asked Raine putting her book down on an end table.

"…It's about Genis…" she said quietly. Raine's face lit up. Had Genis finally gained the courage to ask Presea out. Hopefully he had because Presea was all that Genis could talk about nowadays.

"Well, go ahead," replied Raine. "What do you have to tell me about Genis?"

"…I'm pregnant…" replied Presea. "…Genis did it to me…"

"What!" shouted Raine leaping up. "When did this happen? Oh my god, are you positive?"

"…Yes…" said Presea. "…I found out today…"

"Oh God!" said Raine scared. "Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God…" She continued on like that for several minutes. Finally, a gray haired man came in. He looked at her then suddenly said.

"Oh God!"

"Oh God."

"Oh God!"

"Oh God!"

"Oh God!"

"Oh God!"

Finally, the black haired woman came in. For a few minutes, she stared at the two, repeating the same two words over and over again. Finally, she shouted "Tancred!"

"What?" shouted Tancred.

"We need to go pick flowers!" shouted Mio.

"Why?"

"Our house is flowerless!"

"We don't have a house!"

"That's the whole point!"

"Then shouldn't we be looking for a house?" he shouted as he was dragged out of the room.

"Presea, I think you should take the test again…" said Raine quietly.


	9. Oh God! part 2

We're back, now with 50 more humor.

Oh GOD! Part II

"Okay Presea, just stick this needle in you," explained Raine, handing Presea a pregnancy test.

"…Okay…" said Presea, taking the needle from Raine and jabbing it in her arm. "Here," she said, handing it back, the needle slightly dripping with blood.

"Hm," said Raine, examining the test. "You're not pregnant. In fact, you're one hundred percent virgin."

"…I see…" said Presea quietly. "I'll tell Genis then…"

"No," said Raine holding the girl back.

"…Why?"

"Because I want him to learn something."

"…What?"

"That he should always use protection. If he thinks that he's the father of your child for a bit, then he will always use protection in the future."

"…Protection?"

"Um, I'll tell you later…but it prevents pregnancy."

"…But Kratos said he used protection…"

"Well, he got that from Tancred. And he probably pocked a hole in it anyway."

"…A hole?"

"…They really didn't teach you anything in Ozette, did they?"

"What do you mean?"

Raine sighed. "Well…" she started. "When a man and a woman love each other, or are really drunk, then special things happen. You see, they take of their clothes…"

"Wait, what are you doing?"

"Teaching you sex ed."

"…Sex ed?"

"Yeah, you'll understand soon. So they take of their clothes…and well…um…the man um…well…um…"

Raine continued to attempt to teach Presea sex education. Meanwhile, Genis had been sitting in the same spot where Presea had left him when all of a sudden Tancred showed up.

"What's wrong with Presea?" he demanded.

"Hehe," Tancred giggled like a schoolgirl.

Genis got even more desperate. "WHAT'S WRONG WITH PRESEA?"

"You'll never guess!" Tancred laughed evilly.

"PLEASE! TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG WITH PRESEA!!!"

"Fine. She's a dirty girl!"

"What?"

"She's a naughty girl!"

"Hm?"

"She's not a maiden?"

"Uh…"

"You did the suspension bridge?"

"Um…"

"The dragon turn?"

"What?"

"The aroused flower?"

"Hm?"

"The goat and the tree?"

"I don't get it…"

"The swan sport?"

"I don't understand…"

"You slept together…."

"But then we were sleeping…."

"The rheihard pulled into the hanger."

"What does that have to do with this?"

"You became a man…"

"But I'm still young."

"You did it…"

"Did what?"

"Made love?"

"You mean like cards?"

"Had sex…"

"Does that stand for something?"

"Oh good God, are you that dense?"

"I don't understand…"

"You had sexual intercourse!"

"What?"

"Yeah. You lost your virginity at twelve years old!"

"But I don't remember it!"

"Then I guess you were asleep and Presea's a perverted rapist!"

"What?"

But Tancred had already left fuming, leaving Genis sitting there, utterly confused at what had happened. But he would have to go inside, for Raine and Presea had stepped outside of the library and were walking across the grounds, Raine trying to find the right words to explain.

Meanwhile Yulie and Kratos had finally gotten some time alone with each other.

"How…how'd this happen?" asked Kratos, who still hadn't gotten over anything.

"Well, there's nothing we can do now," said Yulie. "We need to decide what to do now that it has. I can't raise this baby on my own."

"I know…I know…" said Kratos. "But how will Lloyd react?"

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," said Yulie. "First, let's pick some names."

"How can I think of names in this state?" demanded Kratos.

"Well, I had some ideas," said Yulie, patting her lover on the back. "If it's a girl, we can call her Martel or Anna, if it's a boy, we can call him Mithos."

"Oh, what am I going to do?" said Kratos sounding stressed.

"Geez, it's usually the male that's calm. Just relax, I'll move in so we can raise this child together."

"Are you sure that's best? What if Lloyd sees us?"

"You'll have to tell him eventually. Who'll he think knocked me up? Zelos?"

"He'd probably try."

"Well, you got to me first, besides I think I'd only sleep with you."

"Geez, you are a naughty girl," said Kratos, lifting Yulie into his lap and hugging her.

And Yulie did exactly what she said. By the end of the day, she had moved in with Kratos. Luckily for both of them, she didn't own too many items so she easily moved everything inside.

That night, Kratos rolled over so that he could face Yulie next to him. "How's everything?" he asked, moving his hand down her stomach, which had only just started to bulge.

"It's scary," said Yulie, shivering. "I mean, I have something like a human life growing inside of me."

Kratos would embrace his soon-to-be-wife and she would fall asleep in his arms. Meanwhile, let us go back to the issue of Genis and Presea.

"Hey Presea," said Genis shyly. "I just want you to know, I'm going to support you!"

"…You son of a bitch," said Presea as Raine had told her not to tell Genis.

"Preeseeaaaa!" Genis cried as Raine came out holding a book entitled "Memoirs of a Geisha"

"Okay, to put it bluntly," said Raine, skimming over the pages. "Blah, blah, gray eyes, blah, blah, Mameha, blah, blah, blah, ah here it is! A girl has a cave and a boy has an eel. Eels like caves. Especially if the cave hasn't been explored before. Anyway, an eel goes into a cave and if it likes it there, it spits. And if the timing is right, then the girl becomes pregnant."

"…That's what Genis did?" asked Presea. Before Genis could respond, she went inside.

"Damn it!" shouted Genis. "If we had sex, why can't I at least remember it?"

…Yes Memoirs of a Geisha used that type of language. The main character had gray eyes and they had to mention that a dozen times a chapter. And Mameha was her "older sister."

Matt: Tsk tsk I have never heard such language

Lyn: …blame the media…

Matt: Where have your morals gone have you no shame in writing such smut?

Lyn:…I'LL MURDER YOU!!!

Matt: uh-oh

Lyn:MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

Matt: please stay tuned for more updates provided the authors don't kill each other runs


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